Larry David is currently preparing to star in Fish in the Dark on Broadway, forcing him to inhabit a hotel during his commitment. Luckily he’s not complaining.
According to this clip from The Late Show, David is loving the hotel life. It’s basically all he could talk about with David Letterman, praising the fine art of hotel sex. The type of sex without those pesky strings and messy break ups, unless someone pops open the mini-bar and runs up a tab. That’d be a red line.
(Via The Late Show)
When FXX took over the syndication rights of The Simpsons last year, one of the stipulations were older episodes with longer run-times were going to be edited to the modern standard of 22 minutes in order to fit in the now normal 8 minutes of advertising found within half-hour programming.
Not every network is so keen on trimming whole scenes to make run-times work for older shows, but that doesn’t mean they’re immune to tricks of their own. That’s reportedly what’s happening over at TBS.
Thanks to one crafty viewer, it seems to have been discovered that TBS has been running syndicated episodes of Seinfeld 7.5 percent faster than the show’s standard speed in order to squeeze in as much advertising as possible into the airspace. Unfortunately, while it’d be nice to say this news is shocking, it isn’t. These shows were meant to air at a time when most sitcoms ran 25 minutes, and thus it’s either this or a trim to The Simpsons in order to make them fit modern standards.
Source: Reddit
Larry David has made a career out of being an awkward sourpuss of a human being, and this is why we love him. In this preview for an interview this Sunday on 60 Minutes, David tells Charlie Rose about how he still doesn’t have the confidence to talk to women despite all of his success. You’d think playing an insecure type all these years would be a huge confidence booster, but then again, there’s no telling what is logical or not now that we live in a world with #TheDress and without Leonard Nimoy.
The full interview airs this Sunday at 7 p.m. on CBS.
Source: CBS
On Sunday night, 60 Minutes aired its Larry David interview we told you about last week, and it did not disappoint. Larry David was Larry David, the exceedingly lovable, brutally honest curmudgeon who made no bones about the fact that he’d probably prefer doing a million other things than being asked questions about his life by Charlie Rose. Along the way, Rose and David visited the Brooklyn apartment he grew up in and the stage where he first acted (in a school play). I found this exchange, from the early part of the interview, particularly delightful.
Charlie Rose: Who is Larry David?
Larry David: You are too much, Mr. Rose.
Charlie Rose: Why?
Larry David: Who the hell knows? I don’t know.
Charlie Rose: But you do know.
Larry David: Like what, whatever you’re seeing, that’s who I am!
Charlie Rose: Really?
Larry David: Yeah.
Charlie Rose: Well, it’s not true. You told me you created a character. It’s not you. It’s who you might want to be but are not. Who are you?
Larry David: I’m a jerk, that’s who I am. I’m like –
Charlie Rose: You’re not! That’s an act!
Larry David: I’m like everybody else.
Charlie Rose: No, that’s an act.
Larry David: No, it isn’t.
Charlie Rose: It really isn’t?
Larry David: No.
Charlie Rose: How are you a jerk?
Larry David: Oh, look. Let’s stop talking about me. I, that’s why I didn’t want to do this interview in the first place. I had to be talked into 60 Minutes. You think I wanted to do this? I didn’t want to do it! ‘Cause I knew you’d be asking questions like this!
My favorite nugget revealed in the interview: that David’s mom wanted him to grow up to be a mailman, which may be what inspired the Newman character on Seinfeld. As an added bonus, here are some outtakes from the interview CBS put online…
HBO
Just like one of the narratives that played out on his hit HBO show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David is having some problems on Broadway (this time, it has less to do with David Schwimmer). The New York Times recently reviewed Fish in the Dark, which David wrote and stars in, and they had less than glowing sentiments concerning the flaccidity of his work. Take it away, Broadway critic Ben Brantley:
More than a few (dozen) vintage sitcoms have used similar plots. Sometimes they were funny. But to be really funny, such stories must be more than the sum of their situations and their zingers. “Fish” gives us archetypes as old as commedia dell’arte and one-liners as old as the Catskills. But credible, breathing, present-tense characters are nowhere to be found.
Fish is about a quarreling family in the aftermath of a matriarch’s death. Brantley posits that the biggest audience reaction occurred when David injected his trademark line from Curb, “Pret-ty, pret-ty…”
“I laughed fully exactly once,” Brantley said in reference to the one joke that made him chuckle.
Despite the poor review, David has set the record for most pre-sales for a Broadway play, which means this will likely not be his only foray into writing and acting for the stage.
HBO
The Larry David we know and love today was the same Larry David thirty years ago. This isn’t a story of someone getting more neurotic with age or turning into a different person after making a lot of money. According to Marilyn Black, David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm costar and the first person to ever (try to) manage him, the creator of Seinfeld has always been this way.
After Black and David met through their mutual friend Richard Lewis, they decided to pitch David as “the next Woody Allen.” He had a script entitled Prognosis Negative, about a hypochondriac who “overhears a doctor informing his ex-girlfriend that she only has a few months to live, so he decides it’s safe to make a commitment.” Producers thought David was “too unlikable” to star in the movie himself. Plus, he was exposed early on to Hollywood’s system of rewrites and reacted accordingly:
When a production company optioned it, the deal stipulated that no one besides Larry could rewrite the script, which was unheard of for a novice. One day, the script was somehow sent back to Larry. He opened the envelope and read the title: SHORT TERM LOVER. To say Larry went ballistic is an understatement. We sped over to the producer’s office, where an enraged Larry burst through the door threatening to sue him for ruining his career! Eventually, everyone calmed down. Larry was to do the rewrite, but he insisted he didn’t want to get paid a lot of money because then they would expect a bigger rewrite. Only Larry.
After Tom Hanks, Michael Keaton, and Bill Murray passed on the film, David was tapped to star. Unfortunately, he blew the audition — the audition for a role based on himself, in a script he wrote.
Sometime later, while Black was working for producing juggernaut Dino De Laurentis, she called David about an acting opportunity. David came in to have a conversation with De Laurentis (I’m going to leave it in capital letters because I believe, in my heart of hearts, that this entire exchange happened in capital letters):
[MARILYN]: DINO, THIS IS LARRY DAVID, WHO IS UP FOR THE ROLE OF THE ACCOUNTANT.
DINO (DISTRACTED): YOU DO CABARET?
LARRY (CONFUSED): UH, CABARET?
[MARILYN]: HE MEANS IMPROV.
LARRY: OH, YES! I DO IMPROV!
DINO: THAT’S GOOD. … WELL, GOODBYE, LARRY!
David didn’t get the role, but Seinfeld happened soon after. The show eventually became a towering success, despite its creator not thinking “it was going to go anywhere.”
So in case you think you’re the next Larry David, stop trying to be Larry David. Larry David couldn’t be the next Woody Allen, so he made a career being himself. If that isn’t a lesson for all aspiring actors and writers, I don’t know what is.
Source: Yahoo!
NBC
Rarely does a day go by where I don’t find myself worrying about how much money Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David have stashed in their Scrooge McDuck vaults. Is it enough to purchase the New York Mets, or merely co-own them with Kevin James? Well, it looks like they’ll be able to buy all the private islands they want, because according to Variety, Hulu is paying a massive amount of money for the streaming rights to Seinfeld, all 180 episodes of it. Even “The Puerto Rican Day.”
The deal is said to be valued at just under $1 million an episode, which translates to a nearly $180 million windfall to be split by distributor Sony TV, Time Warner’s Castle Rock, and Seinfeld profit participants, including star Jerry Seinfeld and co-creator Larry David. The pact is expected to be announced at Hulu’s upfront presentation on Wednesday. (Via)
Seinfeld only seems like it’s on 24/7 on TBS and Fox and 47 other channels. Now it literally is.
NBC
If you look closely, you can see money dropping from Jerry’s pants.
Via: Variety
NBC
For nine years, Seinfeld set the standard in TV comedy, earning raves from critics and fans while leaving a legacy that’s still being chased by all comers. With that said, Seinfeld wasn’t perfect, and the show suffered a huge loss when Larry David resigned as the showrunner after its seventh season, leading to its most imperfect period as Jerry Seinfeld took full creative control of the show. Here’s a look at some of the reasons for that stumble in quality…
The Show No Longer Began With Jerry’s Stand-Up Routine
This may seem like an insignificant change, but it’s fairly indicative of the direction that the show was going in. For it’s first seven seasons, Seinfeld was grounded firmly as a show about a moderately successful comedian and his silly group of friends. As we all know, it was a “show about nothing,” but it was also a show about the average, everyday adventures and annoyances that we all experience; like being stuck in a parking garage and waiting forever for a table at a restaurant. Seinfeld took those typical happenings and tweaked them just enough to turn them into memorable comedy moments that retained their relatability. Which is not an easy line to walk.
During those last two seasons, the show began to slowly venture away from that foundation, heading toward wackier territory. How did the disappearance of the stand-up bits foreshadow this? Because it was a subtle indicator that seemingly big parts of the show — like Jerry’s occupation — were no longer as crucial as they had been in the past. The show was more about Jerry and the gang’s increasingly wacky adventures.
The Show Became A Bit More Surreal
The surrealism that was on display shows the more fantastical and broad realm that the show was heading toward. Under Larry David’s direction, Seinfeld was a semi-realistic depiction of New York life. Now, the show was willing to flirt with pure fantasy. Consider “The Frogger,” in which George attempts to preserve his Frogger high score by carrying a giant arcade machine across the street. The scene is filmed to look like the Frogger video game as George tries to avoid getting splattered by passing traffic. It’s the kind of not particularly realistic moment that would have seemed out of place in the early years, but which had become surprisingly common towards the end of the show’s run.
“The Chicken Roaster,” is another example of this. Kramer slides toward insanity in the episode, thanks to the beams of light coming off the Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurant sign. Obviously, Kramer had always been a bit off-the-wall, but the writers took it to another level by doing a “switcheroo” episode that put Jerry in Kramer’s apartment and, for the most part, into his character. While it may feel in character for Kramer to give himself to a chicken chain despite its mind warping sign, does Jerry becoming Kramer feel like the kind of more grounded story that dominated in the early days of the show?
What about, “The Butter Shave?” Here, Kramer begins using butter as shaving cream and enjoys it so much that he spreads butter all over his body, not realizing that he will begin to cook after laying out in the sun. This, of course, leads to a disturbed Newman seeing Kramer as a turkey in a memorable moment and an out-of-character sight gag for the show.
NBC
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As you’ve no doubt heard, Mad Men‘s glorious run comes to a close on Sunday night, and David Letterman will retire from late night after 33 genre-altering years next week. Spring may be springing and bursting with new life, but those fast-approaching exits and the glut of season finales can turn a TV obsessive’s mind to endings… the good, the great, the not so much, and the terrible. And the Seinfeld finale — which aired 17 years ago today — falls into the latter category. Why? We’ve got a few ideas.
It Could Never Live Up To Our Impossible Expectations
Before I thwack the show’s creative choices, let’s give it a bit of a pass. Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David were facing an impossible task. Seinfeld had become, through its nine seasons, not just a popular TV show, but a part of our culture and our conversations. How “in our blood” was Seinfeld? Again, the finale aired 17 years ago, and we’re still talking about it, still praising it, still dissecting it, and still watching reruns while we now anxiously await its digital streaming arrival so we can go through it all again. Do you think we’ll be talking about The Big Bang Theory that long after its last Bazinga?
When it came time for the last Seinfeld episode, it felt like an event.
I remember seeing people getting ready to watch in large groups on the news while I was having a party of one as a friendless teenage comedy nerd, my favorite snacks gathered, the TV room all to myself, and a well-thumbed Entertainment Weekly salute to the show by my side. I expected to be blown away by the funniest episode of Seinfeld yet that night. I wanted to laugh away my disappointment over what I thought was, at the time, a premature end of this thing I loved. I doubt that I was alone in that, but, in hindsight, no one episode could have ever been enough.
It Was Too Busy
And now, the griping about the actual show.
NBC did a nice job with the clips retrospective before the show, but it almost felt like it continued into the series finale, thanks to the parade of guest stars and the remembrances of the gang’s “sins.” Also, an anti-clip show after a clip show and a teary Green Day-underwritten closing moment? You’re so punk rock.
Because They Apologized
Save for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, everyone on television is too nice. That’s a grumpy complaint from what that solitary comedy nerd grew up to become, but I like what I like, and get off my lawn. Seinfeld was never nice. They were monstrous to each other and to the world around them, and it was charming because within us all beats the heart of a tyrant who would jack an old ladies marble rye, lie to our bosses, ceaselessly ridicule our friends, and judge everyone and everything in existence were it socially acceptable… unless I’m just an asshole out on a limb here. The point is, we liked the terrible things they did and the terrible people they were, and we watched them get lectured about that behavior and punished for what liked in a way that was completely unrelatable and clumsy. It felt like we were being judged by Seinfeld for liking Seinfeld. The anti-sitcom got a sitcom ending.
As we told you earlier, Matthew Weiner told the New York Times that essentially, he didn’t owe anyone anything in terms of offering up satisfying ends for the characters in Mad Men. And he has a point, but he goes on to say that the show has “held up [their] end of the bargain,” and I’m sure it will continue into the finale, and Weiner’s last Mad Men episode will feel like an episode of Mad Men. That wasn’t the case with the last episode of Seinfeld. What happened to the show about nothing? What happened to the second part of the show’s “no hugging, no learning” unofficial mantra? Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David got the ending they wanted for whatever reason they wanted it. In doing so, they failed to live up to their end of the bargain and gave us something self-referential and even self-hating. It was a weird note to go out on, but a good reminder that, while series finales matter a great deal, even the bad ones don’t have the power to destroy all the good that a show gives us.
NBC
UPDATE: Jason Alexander Regrets What He Said About The Actress Who Played Susan On ‘Seinfeld’
Seinfeld is one of the few, if not only series in the history of television that has successfully managed to kill off a long-running character as a punchline. You have to admit, it was a bold decision to kill Susan, George Costanza’s on again-off again girlfriend, temporary lesbian and eventual fiancee; but it worked given that Susan Biddle Ross was that unlikable of a character, even amongst a bunch of terrible people.
As Jason Alexander told Howard Stern this morning on his radio show, the decision wasn’t purely from a comedy standpoint. The cast of Seinfeld, particularly Alexander himself, loathed working with Heidi Swedberg, the actress who played Susan. There was nothing scandalous going on behind the scenes, though, as Alexander assures Howard that Swedberg herself was a perfectly lovely girl, but acting with her was apparently not unlike trying to mix oil and water.
So, it goes without saying that Alexander was not exactly enthused when Larry David, prior to the seventh season of Seinfeld, informed him that George would be getting engaged to Susan. It was after filming one particularly trying episode where Jerry Seinfeld and Julia Louis-Dreyfus both had a lot of material with Swedberg, however, that at a cast lunch afterward, Julia said, “Don’t you just wanna kill her?” The rest was history.
You can listen to the segment below (may need to refresh page to get player to load):
Speaking of divisive TV characters, here’s everything you need to know about Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones…
Crackle
The Internet exploded in early June when Seinfeld‘s Jason Alexander told Howard Stern the story behind the sudden death of Susan Biddle Ross (Heidi Swedberg), his character’s fiancée. According to Alexander, who subsequently apologized, Swedberg was difficult to work with and many in the cast didn’t necessarily get along with her between takes.
Swedberg hasn’t said anything about the story yet, but onetime Seinfeld actress Ali Wentworth — who played Jerry Seinfeld’s PDA-prone girlfriend Sheila in the fan-favorite “Soup Nazi” episode — discussed the matter with THR: “I read a little bit about that, and I was a little bit like, ‘Wow, now? Now?'”
Wentworth, who’s spoken often about her role on that episode, said she recalls “having a lot more fun than [Alexander and Swedberg] were, for sure.”
“I do remember Jason and Jerry and I sparring and having fun,” Wentworth said, “And she didn’t really — I don’t remember her saying much or doing much.”
She also joked that perhaps she, Wentworth, might also have been tough to work with.
“I’m sure there was a reason I only did one episode,” she said. “I don’t know why I didn’t end up marrying him.”
To recap, first Alexander said Swedberg did’t get along with the cast. Then he immediately apologized for saying so and recanted much of what he told Stern. Now Wentworth claims that Alexander’s story is kinda sorta true, but also interjects — saying she too was “tough to work with.”
I don’t even care anymore. Instead, here’s a YouTube roundup of the Soup Nazi’s best bits:
(Via The Hollywood Reporter)
Sony Pictures Television
Larry Thomas, the man who rose to fame as the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld, says he once tried to snag a part of Curb Your Enthusiasm while it was still on the air. This shouldn’t come as the hugest surprise, seeing as the guy still maintains a website called The Real Soup Nazi to this day.
The now 58-year-old Thomas told Page Six at Hulu’s Seinfeld: The Apartment installation that his manager at the time was working with another client who was making an appearance on the HBO series, so he asked her to put in a good word for him to Larry David, who he hadn’t seen since Seinfeld wrapped in 1998.
It wasn’t in the cards, as David said that he would have really loved to, but “literally have every actor in Hollywood” wanting to do it, as such was the revolving door of guest stars in Curb’s heyday. That’s a shame because Thomas even had an idea cooked up.
“It was kind of obvious, but I think it would have worked like a charm,” Thomas said. “Larry is out to dinner with some of his friends and they spot me sitting at a table. And someone says, ‘Can you get him to come over and say the soup line?’ And Larry would of course go over and ask me. I’d say, ‘You know I really left that behind, man. I don’t like to do that. I’ll pass that if you don’t mind.’ Then we could get into this great argument over who made who.”
Despite not getting on the show, Thomas added there are no hard feelings. “That’s the problem with a lot of really great shows, everybody wants to do them,” he said.
Well, if Larry David ever does bring back Curb Your Enthusiasm, I guess there’s still the possibility for the guy. In the meantime, I’m sure there will be plenty of other opportunities to keep the Soup Nazi alive.
(Via Page Six)
HBO
Free from the constraints of network television, Larry David (who turns 68 years old today) took Curb Your Enthusiasm to places that Seinfeld could never go. Inexplicably, it’s been four years since the last episode of Curb, but even if the show is gone for good, it certainly leaves an incredible legacy of comedy, wit, and misanthropy that are on full display with these six classic scenes from the show, which is available to stream on HBO NOW, should you need/want/deserve a refresher.
The time Larry met Shara at the Palestinian restaurant.
Okay, pretty much any scene from the “Palestinian Chicken” episode could have qualified for this list, but Larry’s affair with Shara, the Palestinian waitress, couldn’t go unmentioned here. After a sex-scene in which many anti-Semitic slurs are uttered — all of which Larry takes in stride — the glorious awkwardness when Shara meets Marty Funkhouser, who she had already seen arguing with Larry about wearing a yarmulke into the restaurant, is fantastic. What really makes it work is how much Larry really doesn’t care about the situation, happily having the best sex of his life, and not caring the least about what his friend thinks of him.
Larry’s meeting with the Krazee-Eyez Killa.
In a scene that would be uncomfortable for anyone else, but which Larry is quite comfortable with, he meets Krazee-Eyez Killa, the rapper his friend Wanda is dating. He asks him for some friendly advice on his lyrics, and Larry suggests that he changes one of the “motherf*ckers” in his rhymes to “b*tch,” which he says is a better way of expressing disrespect. Unfortunately for Larry, when he finds out that Killa is cheating on Wanda, his newfound bond with him creates an ethical dilemma. Does he keep his secret for his new friend, or let his old friend know the truth about her boyfriend’s cheating ways?
When Larry confronts Lisa the nurse about her big… well, you know.
When Jeff’s ex-girlfriend Lisa, who’s currently working as a nurse with the bed-ridden Richard Lewis, insinuates that he had a small penis, Jeff insists that it was the other way around. Larry decides to confront her about it, which she’s naturally horrified by. But what really sets things off is when a $20,000 Mickey Mantle baseball goes is missing, and Larry accuses Lisa of hiding it in what we might call a rather large hiding place. Amazingly, his instincts end up being correct, but not before he creates an incredible amount of awkwardness, which, to be fair, is pretty much what he’s known for.
The time Larry helped a girl get through her first period.
Larry was just going to buy some girl scout cookies, but he ends up getting way more than he bargained for here. The site of Larry trying to figure out how a tampon works is too brilliant for words. To his credit, he’s quite well-meaning, and he even figures it out at the end, but you have to imagine him having to buy a lot more cookies to smooth this one over.
When an unfortunate typo lands Larry in some hot water.
He meant to say “beloved aunt.” Sadly, the worst copy editing error imaginable leads to it saying… something different. Larry insists that it was a typo made by the newspaper, but everyone in the family firmly believes that it was what he meant to write. This scene made me feel lucky. Commenters can be pretty merciless when a typo slips through, but I’ve never had an entire family thinking I called their aunt that which shall never be uttered.
When Larry meets a girl with the most embarrassing mom ever.
Larry meets Emma, a 9-year-old girl who wants to be a writer, and admires him greatly. After they first meet, her mom inexplicably decides to tell Larry that she has a rash in a… rather personal area. Why she chooses to phrase it the way she does is anybody’s guess, but it leads to a lot of perfect misunderstandings, including a brilliant final scene in which Larry’s doctor believes he’s a pedophile.
And for more you may have missed on the web…
HBO
Maybe you loved the Seinfeld finale, and maybe you didn’t, but if you consider yourself a Seinfeld fan, you most likely ported over to series co-creator Larry David’s next project, Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO, and you most likely danced and sang when it was announced that David would get the gang back together for a Seinfeld reunion story arc in season seven of Curb.
Was this slight “do-over” needed? I personally don’t think so, but I’m still glad they did it because the result was more classic Seinfeld shenanigans, and they were just as hilarious as ever. Don’t believe me? Go over to HBO Now and re-watch those episodes. Need further nudging? Check out these classic “Seinfeld” scenes from season seven of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
This scene began the story arc for season seven. Larry, if you recall, had been separated from Cheryl, and thought that having her involved in a Seinfeld reunion would be a way to get her back. He would not admit his motive to Jerry, however, and Jerry immediately became skeptical, saying, “You think reunions are pathetic… I’m being sold something here that I can’t quite figure out.” Despite being a parody of Larry and Jerry’s actual relationship, this scene looks like what I imagine most of their conversations would be like in real life. If the arc had ended here, I would have been glad just to see these two interacting one more time.
As the story goes, this scene was written simply as, “Marty Funkhouser tells a joke.” That’s it. Neither Larry nor Jerry knew what joke Marty (Bob Einstein) was going to tell, and legend has it that he decided on this dirty one just prior to shooting. Is that true? Well, it’s certainly more fun to think so. Was the joke funny? I’m not sure I even get it. But Jerry’s supposed spontaneous reaction, and the clear rapport these three comedians shared resembles everything great about this memorable scene.
HBO
We’re all well-aware of Seinfeld‘s long list of catchphrases and additions to pop lexicon, such as “close talker,” “double dipper,” and “not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Curb Your Enthusiasm never seemed as interested in that. “Having said that,” you could almost see this phrase becoming popular as it was happening. Also, if you’re creating a list of most annoying supporting characters ever on Curb, doesn’t Mocha Joe have to be on there? What a weiner, that guy was.
You could create a pretty extensive list of CYE clips featuring only Leon, and the audience would be entertained. He plays a character within a character, the fake Dr. Danny Duberstein, telling Michael Richards how to deal with Groats Disease. This episode gave Richards a chance to receive a penance of sorts for his infamous Laugh Factory set, and J.B. Smoove got to play a Jewish doctor who has never seen an episode of Seinfeld before.
I like to imagine this scene was an inspiration for Seinfeld’s web series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. All you do is take two of the funniest people on the planet, have them sit in a coffee shop, and discuss life’s little intricacies, such as who should slide over when a third party wants to join them in a cafe booth. Roll film, and you got yourself a show.
Following a “Blackberry” bit that proved technology can date a show almost immediately after it airs. Larry proved that playing George was not as easy as it once seemed. Finally, Jason Alexander can get the proper credit for the acting it took to play that character.
HBO
When J.B. Smoove’s career-defining character Leon Black was introduced on Curb Your Enthusiasm (which you can stream now on HBO Now) at the start of season six in 2007, he immediately endeared himself to fans of the show with his unconventional view of the world. Over the course of the last three seasons, he became a perfect foil for Larry, providing him with bizarre advice on a wide range of subjects. Leon himself would probably refer to his advice as wisdom, whereas I would describe it as a sort of confident ignorance.
Nevertheless, Leon would spend the next three seasons as Larry’s partner-in-crime, bringing a new perspective on how to handle some of life’s less-desirable social situations. Are you having trouble with people not taking you seriously? Maybe put on a pair of eyeglasses. Did some racist bigot get up in your face with a string of hateful expletives? Leon has you covered on how to handle that, too.
Here are the times when Leon Black taught Larry David, and the world, a valuable life lesson.
You Can’t Pause Toast
HBO
We start off with advice that I actually agree with. Stopping someone’s toast in the middle of a cycle, then starting it over, causes the toast to lose its essence. At that point, you’re having to deal with stopping the next cycle at the exact right time so that the bread is not toasted too lightly, or worse, burned. Nah, that’s too much hassle. You might as well pitch it and start all over.
You Flip The Script In A Job Interview By Asking Them Questions
HBO
This advice was actually thought up by Larry, but Leon added his own little twist on it by the end to a point where Larry began rethinking his entire original premise. The theory goes like this: You’re on a job interview, and the interviewer is asking questions. At a certain point, you switch it up and begin to ask them questions. In other words, you topsy-turvy that motherf*cker. “Enough about me,” you’d say to the hiring manager. “We all understand why I want this job. But I think it’s time you come clean on why you keep stealing your neighbors’ CDs after the UPS driver delivers them to their porch.”
You Gots To Bring ‘Da Ruckus
HBO
This one isn’t for the faint of heart, but in Leon’s world, when Larry is confused over whether he delivered a middling performance in bed with a woman who’s in a wheelchair, or if her condition made it hard for her to feel, Leon simply isn’t entertaining the latter possibility. Simply put, he doesn’t believe Larry brought it. At least not in the way that he would have.
“I would have had her ass tap-dancing.” – Leon
A Relationship Can Only Exist If Both People Trust Each Other
HBO
Here, Larry finally realized he can trust Leon, because Leon had access to his most personal information all this time, but didn’t use it in a scandalous way. “The last four digits of your Social Security number are just the code to the house, switched around. And remember that time you gave me your ATM PIN to get gas? I still remember that sh*t, Larry. And your signature, anyone can forge that. But it’s important to know that despite me remembering all this information, I still haven’t ripped you off or stolen your identity yet.” See? Trust.
Sometimes, You Got To Get Up In That Ass
HBO
Despite being one of, if not the absolute greatest scene in the history of television, Leon’s advice was potentially quite dangerous. As Larry told it, he was in the doctor’s office when a skinhead looked over at him and said, “what are you looking at, Jew-Boy?” Larry, of course, punked out, as he should have.
The way I look at it, if someone is willing to use language like that in a public setting and direct it toward a complete stranger, there’s really no telling what else they’re capable of. Your best bet is to ignore it, then let those feelings bottle up inside until you develop an ulcer, like a normal person. Leon, on the other hand, has a different philosophy.
“You gotta get up in that ass. Pull their asshole open, step into their asshole, close the door behind you, take a spray paint can, and spray paint ‘Larry was here.’ ”
I dare you to get through that entire scene without developing a mental image of spray painting the inside of someone’s asshole. It may be impossible.
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If you or I were asked to place odds on Curb Your Enthusiasm returning, 50-50 would be a decent place to start, if only because everything is 50-50 in a way. It either happens or it doesn’t. The verbal equivalent of a shrug emoji, if you will. HBO President Michael Lombardo chimed in on the matter last week, saying that he ran into Larry David recently, and Larry “pointed to a notebook” that he indicated was the early stages of the next season, but that really doesn’t get us any closer to an answer because, for all we know, the only thing in the notebook is a single phrase like “Tinder mishap.” (“That wasn’t a swipe! I was just cleaning the screen! There was a smudge! A SMUDGE!”)
No, we must go to the source. Or, at least, closer to the source. Which we did at the TCA panel for The Goldbergs this week, where David’s Curb co-star Jeff Garlin put the odds of a new season at… 51 percent. An improvement!
“It’s the only show in all of television that only moves forward because the creator is only basing his decision on creativity,” Garlin said. “Larry David is so goddamn rich that he doesn’t have to do anything unless it’s good! He doesn’t want to embarrass himself. So it’s pretty pure. I don’t know how many shows disregard that completely.”
The show hasn’t aired since 2011, and, as Garlin says, its creator is incredibly rich and under no pressure from HBO to do a new season, so OK, 51 percent is a number we can live with. But if you see Larry David in some Los Angeles coffee shop scribbling in a notebook, feel free to get a little excited.
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On Tuesday, Jeff Garlin attended the Television Critics Association summer press tour, and during one panel discussion, the subject of Curb Your Enthusiasm was brought up. The hit HBO show (which can be streamed on HBO Now) has not had a new season since 2011, so of course Garlin was asked about the possibility of the sitcom making a comeback. Surprisingly, he was somewhat optimistic, placing the odds at 51 percent.
That’s an encouraging figure, especially because the show is in the midst of its longest hiatus ever, and many fans have long since given up hope that they would ever see a ninth season. Whether or not it actually happens, Garlin can always rest assured that he will forever be a part of one of the better sitcoms ever produced.
Part of the reason for that? Jeff’s relationship with his TV wife, Susie (played by Susie Essman), who was always volatile. With Susie’s ability to make a person feel small through verbal outbursts and Jeff’s inability to defend himself while exhibiting general passivity toward her, their screen time together always resulted in loud and unforgettable moments. So, let’s look back at some of their funniest moments of marital “bliss.”
Where’s The Head? Get Me The Head!
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In the season two episode titled “The Doll,” Larry ended up traumatizing a young girl by cutting the hair off her doll’s head. He found the same doll in Jeff and Susie’s daughter’s collection, so to “fix” his predicament, his bright idea was to rip off the head and steal it. However, once Susie got wind of what happened, she went off on Larry and Jeff the only way she knew how… with a string of colorful expletives. “Bring me back the head, you fat piece of sh*t.”
Don’t You Dare Mention The D-Word.
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While enjoying a nice lunch, the subject of divorce was brought up. Jeff casually mentioned that in this “unlikeliest” of hypotheticals, he’d gladly take half of what Susie doesn’t want. “You take your 50 percent, I’ll take whatever’s left,” he said. Susie, on the other hand, had other ideas. “Let me tell you something, Mister. I’m taking you for everything you have. I’m taking your balls and I’m thumb-tacking them to the wall. You will rue the day you ever met me.” Well, okay then.
Our House Has Been Ransacked, You Fat F*ck.
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In the season one episode “The Wire,” Jeff was sponsoring an at-risk youth who had a penchant for starting fires. Late in the episode, the kid ended up ransacking the Greenes’ house and stealing their belongings. Susie, of course, had no problem pointing her finger at the real culprit… her fat f*cking asshole of a husband, who allowed the kid into their house in the first place. “You know what he stole, Jeff? He stole our wedding album,” Susie pointed out. I can’t imagine Jeff cared much about that, however.
It’s Important For Couples To Maintain Romance.
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This scene was a perfect example of how quickly Susie’s mood could go from zero to 100. First, she was smiling, enjoying a beautiful day at the beach. Seconds later, she asked Jeff to accompany her on a walk, which Jeff declined. That was not the smart play. “Get up off your fat ass and let’s take a walk. It’ll be romantic.”
What Do You Mean, Cheryl Banned You From The House?
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After Cheryl discovered that Jeff pleasured himself while in their house, she promptly banned him from ever coming over again (pun intended). Susie overheard that Jeff was no longer welcome at the David household, and of course wanted to know why. After learning the reason, she had an interesting take on the situation. “You brought your semen outside our house? That’s adultery!”
Then again, banning Jeff from her house? Who was Cheryl to tell Susie’s husband what to do? That’s her job. Seemingly everyone was on the receiving end of Susie’s wrath in this episode.
Here’s a hot take: There may not be anything funnier on Earth than animals who sound like humans. The world famous screaming sheep, singing parrots, and annoyed deer? All captivating and amazing experiences.
But this screaming goat may have just changed the game forever. Not only does it scream like a maniac as it runs around its pen, it sounds exactly like a certain maniac named Larry David. There aren’t many things that could make the mad genius behind Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm seem more absurd, but screaming goat Larry David is definitely one of them.
Go ahead, compare the two:
See? It’s incredibly uncanny. That is one pretty, pretty, pretty good goat.
(Via Reddit)
In the season two episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm titled “Shaq,” the A-story involved Jeff Green giving Larry floor seats to a Lakers game. Midway through the game, Larry stretched his legs and ended up tripping Shaquille O’Neal, causing Shaq to fall to the ground and badly injure his knee. Afterward, Larry became a pariah on the streets, as nobody in the city could even stand to be near him because he was the man responsible for possibly jeopardizing the rest of the Lakers’ season.
Inexplicably, however, the incident also seemed to start a run of good luck for Larry. With nobody wanting anything to do with him, he was now getting out of numerous annoying tasks he didn’t want to participate in to begin with, as well as getting revenge on a doctor who had wronged him earlier in the episode.
Written by Larry David himself, “Shaq” first aired on HBO in November of 2001, and was directed by Dean Parisot, the man behind movies such as Fun with Dick and Jane and Galaxy Quest. It came during the height of O’Neal’s popularity. Months later, the Lakers would win their third-straight NBA Championship. The episode seamlessly blends the world of entertainment and sport, and a handful of scenes are still referenced by fans of the show to this day — one of which we’ll get to in a moment.
But for now, let’s dig a little deeper with some of the best things about “Shaq,” which you can watch on HBO Now to refresh your memory.
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Curb Your Enthusiasm is well-known for being unscripted. Larry spends a great deal of time writing detailed outlines of how he wants the scene to go, but from there, it’s all improvisation. Multiple takes are allowed, but, for the most part, the actors are pretty much on their own. According to Cheryl Hines, who played David’s wife on the show, the actors do not discuss their scenes beforehand, and most of the guest stars who have been on the show never even get to see an outline. So, perhaps we need to give O’Neal the recognition he deserves for the spectacular hospital scene where he played Scattergories with his doctor. I do have to disagree with him when he says that peanut butter is a dairy product, though.
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The Lakers-Timberwolves game depicted in the episode took place during the 2000-01 NBA season. However, most of the game’s details, including what was shown on the Staples Center scoreboard, was fictional. Oddly enough, the Lakers and Wolves played an actual game on April 12, 2001, and, in that game, the Lakers led 51-44 at the half, which is the exact opposite score shown on the scoreboard. The production team must have gone to great lengths to make sure it looked realistic. In fact, nine out of 10 player-numbers depicted on the scoreboard belonged to actual players who could have been in a theoretical game at the time. Only the Lakers No. 31 was not an actual player, as it would not be until the 2003 season that someone would wear that jersey number (Jamal Sampson).
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Aside from being the NBA’s Most Valuable Player one season earlier, by the time this episode aired, O’Neal had already acted in seven different movies and TV shows. His debut role came in Blue Chips, where he played a college basketball recruit from Louisiana. From there, he moved on to roles in Kazaam, Freddy Got Fingered, and Arli$$. Okay, so he wasn’t exactly Robert De Niro, but for a man who was probably the most dominant basketball player on the planet at the time, he was showing quite a bit of range.
Because Larry knew that Shaq was such a huge fan of Seinfeld, he brought him a VHS copy of every episode from all nine seasons of the show. Shaq could not have been more pleased, and he was prepared to let bygones be bygones for that whole “tripping him and destroying his knee” thing. I can’t say I blame him — “The Contest” is an all-time classic. Even though George totally cheated.
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Aisha Tyler played Shaq’s fictional girlfriend in this episode, and the Lakers’ team doctor was played by actor Joel McKinnon Miller, whom you may know better as Scully from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
When Larry accompanied Cheryl out for coffee, he approached the barista and didn’t know what to order, so, instead, he let the expert decide. “Just give me one of the vanilla bullsh*t things.” It’s a classic line that has since inspired numerous threads on Reddit, and even has its own Urban Dictionary entry. Also, good luck finding an actual barista who works at Starbucks who hasn’t heard the line at least a dozen times since they’ve worked there. No joke, I find this scene on YouTube every couple months whenever I think about it, and it never ceases to put me in a great mood. Milk and coffee, who would have thought?
The last new episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm aired on September 11, 2011. That is simply unacceptable. Larry David has remained busy, starring in Broadway musicals, touring Civil War battlefields with his unimpressed daughter, and making balls jokes on J.B. Smoove’s birthday card, but all he’ll say about another season of Curb is that he hasn’t “given up hope.”
(There’s also that long-rumored movie.)
Until then, we’ll have to make due with SNL‘s “Bern Your Enthusiasm,” which was pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty great. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a Curb parody, with Larry as Bernie Sanders, Bobby Moynihan as Jeff, Cecily Strong as Susie, and Jay Pharoah as Leon. It ranks right up there with “Lincoln.”
He’s not wrong about the coughing into the hand thing…
