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Through the course of Curb Your Enthusiasm’s eight seasons, one thing has become very clear — the fictionalized version of Larry David is a petty man. He’s not the kind of guy to let bygones be bygones or turn the other cheek. Nope, if he think’s he’s been wronged in some way — no matter how insignificant — he’ll stop at nothing to seek his revenge. It’s part of what makes him endearing and a true hero — because we all wish we could minorly wreak havoc on the people that screw us over in this life… even if we’re all supposed to be better than that.
David’s revenge tactics and ways of righting the universe in his own favor rarely go smoothly, of course, but the guy gets credit for creativity. With that in mind, here are five times Larry went low on Curb Your Enthusiasm (which is available to stream on HBO Now).
5. Convincing Jeff To Deflate Thor’s Tires
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Letting the air of out of somebody’s tires is a classic revenge tactic and one of the go-to methods for bitter lovers. It’s also pretty juvenile and only slightly above leaving a flaming bag of poop on somebody’s doorstep. Nevertheless, it’s the course of revenge that Larry decides to go with when he blames professional wrestler Thor for slashing his tires — it’s an eye for an eye solution, but of course, Larry keeps himself free of risk by sending his friend/occasional henchman. And like the idiot he is, Jeff (Jeff Garlin) agrees.
It’s never fully explained how Jeff managed to survive his run-in with Thor after he’s caught in the act. My suspicion is that he got lucky and was in the vicinity of a police officer. Otherwise, he surely would have been on the receiving end of one of Thor’s pants-pooping bodyslams.
4. Stealing A Dead Man’s Golf Club
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Okay, while this one isn’t technically an act of revenge it is a response to a possible act of revenge by Sven, an employee at Larry’s golf club who is definitely not Swedish. It’s also an unfortunate act of aggression towards the Funkhouser clan at a really inopportune time (though, to be fair, Marty did deny Larry use of a pretty great golf tip previously). As we’ve explained previously, Marty Funkhouser (Bob Einstein) believes, for some reason, that he and Larry are best buds despite Larry’s penchant for stomping on poor Marty’s heart. Rather than just pull Marty aside and try to explain that his golf club somehow (Sven!) ended up in the casket of his father — or letting it go like any rational human being would — Larry and Jeff decide a swap is the best option. The plan has to be one of the worst that he and Jeff have ever concocted and it quickly devolves into disaster because Funkhouser’s don’t miss a tick and Norm (Paul Mazursky) has it out for Larry and his sloppy ways.
3. Larry Recruits His Therapist For A Purse-Snatching Scheme
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It’s kind of amazing that Larry has avoided prosecution on Curb Your Enthusiasm to this point. He surrounds himself with idiots and commits semi-serious infractions on a semi-regular basis. After Cheryl’s (Cheryl Hines) therapist advises her to make a clean break from Larry, he and Jeff concoct a plan to scare her into his good graces by staging a fake robbery so that he can swoop into rescue mode. It’s both a terrible and sinister idea that Leon (J.B. Smoove) knows is bound to fail. Miraculously, Larry’s attempt at psychological warfare on Cheryl’s therapist works and he’s reunited with Cheryl. His dimwitted therapist (Steve Coogan), of course, goes to jail, but hey, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet.
2. “Call Me Hester”
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Never shy about freaking out on someone, David leaves his pants in the dressing room of a Banana Republic and returns the next day to find them gone before losing patience with the cashier in the “Office Krupke” episode. Rather than simply chalk this up to his own carelessness or even trotting out the standard pissed-off shopper retort by refusing to ever shop at the store again, David seeks revenge for what he sees as the store’s wrongdoing by stealing the pants. Banana Republic khakis cost about $70 and Larry could have probably bought the store’s inventory with his residuals from Sour Grapes, never mind his big time Seinfeld money. But in his warped mind, the only solution is to proudly wear the security tag on the pants as a scarlet letter and declare himself the Hester Prynne of the Beverly Hills Banana Republic.
1. Larry Hires An Orchestra To Play On A Guy’s Lawn
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Larry David doesn’t do well waiting in lines. Whether he’s waiting for frozen yogurt, buying perfume or going to the movies, it’s only a matter of time until he pisses somebody off. In season two’s “Trick or Treat,” David manages to offend another Jewish man by whistling a song by Adolf Hitler’s favorite composer, Richard Wagner. Loaded with the ammo of German classical music, Larry unleashes his grandest revenge plot after the man’s teenage daughter and her friend toilet paper his house because he (naturally) refused to give them candy on Halloween. Sure, he could have taken a note from John Cusack in Say Anything and simply stood outside the guy’s house with a boombox and a Wagner CD, but that would be too easy. Hiring the musicians that he’d originally hired for Cheryl’s birthday to play the Wagner tune on his enemy’s front lawn was pretty, pretty, pretty good.