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When Curb Your Enthusiasm (which is available to stream on HBO Now) debuted in late 2000, the show was immediately recognized as a sort of west coast extension of the fascinating world Larry David had co-created on Seinfeld. In both shows, David had an incredible ability to take a familiar social situation — or unfamiliar one, for that matter — and push the limits of what was acceptable behavior in a normal, functioning society.
In no other situation was that more evident than when David tackled the world of romantic relationships. On Seinfeld, the characters of Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer ran through more dates than any of them should have expected based on their anti-social personalities. And yet, despite their shortcomings, the characters taught us countless valuable lessons, such as “a weekend trip to Vermont is not a good third date,” or “don’t grab the booth with bad lighting,” or “under no circumstances should you date your cousin.” That last one should have been a given, but I digress.
On Curb, the relationship lessons were far less blatant and explicit, but they were each important in their own sick and twisted ways. Here are five dating lessons you could only learn from our favorite anti-social from the world of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Let Your Partner Know What You Want
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While Larry and Cheryl laid in bed and said their good nights, Cheryl began to wonder out loud why she was the one who always had to initiate sex. Larry seemed confused since he assumed that it was known that he was available for sex all the time and that a simple tap on the shoulder was all he needed to be ready to go. Cheryl was not enthusiastic about his lack of romance. So what’s the lesson for here? Never be shy about telling your partner that you are down to clown in sexy town if they are so inclined. But maybe say it in a more alluring way.
Be Careful How You Enter A New Love Interest’s Name Into Your Phone
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A cell phone rolodex is a sacred thing. I’m sure we all have embarrassing entries in our own personal contact lists. For me, I have a one named Elizabeth Babysitter. I’ve entrusted poor Elizabeth to watch my kids for four years now, yet I still don’t know her last name. So, in a way, I can relate to Larry in this episode. Then again, it takes a certain kind of inconsiderate a-hole to even type the words “Wendy Wheelchair” into your phone. Couldn’t he have just gone with “Wendy?” What were the odds he knew more than one Wendy?
If Your Date Doesn’t Show, Eat Alone And Spoil Yourself So You’re In A Better Place For Next Time
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The advice doesn’t match the moment exactly, but during the Season 6 episode titled “The TiVo Guy,” Larry and Cheryl had broken up, so Larry found himself sitting all alone at a fancy restaurant where the two had previously made reservations. Seated next to him was “Bluetooth Headset Guy,” who was carrying on a loud conversation that only he was privy to. Naturally, an annoyed Larry proceeded to have a fake conversation with the empty chair across the table. This episode is five-years old, but the premise from this scene is still fresh. Bluetooth Headset Guy is a hypothetical person who still exists in the real world, and they’re no less deserving of our public shame and ridicule than they were back then. Larry’s actions here were heroic and made the most out of eating alone while in-between relationships. After all, how can you be with someone else if you can’t romance yourself and I’m sure Larry was never more turned on by his own actions.
Always Be Willing To Meet And Spend Quality Time With New People
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Larry had tickets to the Dodgers game, but he was running late and traffic was horrible. So, he did what any person in a similar situation would do: He hired a prostitute to accompany him so that he could legally use the car pool lane and make it to the game on time. Just like the typical beginning to a classic American love story. What did he learn from the experience? New people are what makes life worth living. They take us out of our comfort zone and invite us to explore parts of our lives left dormant by our preconceived notions of who we are and who we socialize with.
You Can’t Eat Where You Sh*t
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When Larry started dating the hostess at a restaurant where he and Jeff often frequented, Jeff was skeptical of Larry’s theory that even if they were to break up, it wouldn’t stop Larry from continuing to eat there. “I’ve never seen it done,” said Jeff. “I’m hell-bent on doing it,” replied Larry. Alas, they DID break up, Larry attempted to “eat where he sh*t,” and she likely poisoned his food. Lesson learned?
Honorable Mentions: Always get your flowers from a florist and not a roadside memorial and suffer in silence if you have a pube caught in your throat.